Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Dear 2008

time is almost up and this year has challenged me out of the 16 years i've been alive. who's to say 2008 wasn't a great year though. i loved it. i mean yeah, there were some struggles. i lost President to one of my best friends. i lost a couple friends, gained some, and built a whole lot more. i mean i had struggles with church. lost faith in a lot of people and even God himself. but i was brought back everytime. memories like sposidate night, SLW, the musical, and all this other stuff make me not wanna let this year go. and i got this thing to blog about tadpole. haha. too bad too many people read it. but yeah 2008 is a year i will never forget. but in a couple more hours...here comes 2009. and many things will be on my resolution list. can't wait. so 2008, goooooooooodbyeeeeeeeeee!!! 2008 blocks on the tower and 1 for good luck! -Ryan:]

Head Wraps, Flat Irons, and A Cat Named Mailyn

WOAH!!! Musical is over. kinda sad. especially since i have no excuse to not help my mom anymore. lmao. so yeah musical went great. hung out there the whole day with the cast and got to know about head wraps and how to never catch a flat iron...EVER. haha. then got to ride around in a wheel chair and laugh at how many people said i look better with flat hair. T__T another sob moment. but yeah. musical went awesome and got a lot of RYAN!!! I DIDNT KNOW YOU COULD SING! thanks everyone!

so other than that, exchanged gifts with a couple people. gave mailyn her jacket. im gonna miss petting that fur. but she got me the cat from Bolt who's equally soft. so its cool. haha. and she said shes gonna get me the hamster now. haha. kinda hope she does... but im just saying. well had to name the cat mailyn and would later on see it stolen from my baby cousin that i stole back from him today. haha. sorry cuz. speaking of family my whole family saw a video of me singing and i might be forced to sing at a damn wedding. haha. thanks uncle for the great footage.

well once again thanks everyone for the support and thanks mailyn for the gift and thanks family for further embarrassment. 1-2-3 Blocks on the Tower. -Ryan:]

PS Look out for the final installments of Ryan's Building Blocks for 2008!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Wrap Me Up and Call Me Flat!

hey everyone. i promised myself i wouldnt write about this but i am. just to get on peoples nerves.
SO TODAY (hah u thought) i had musical practice. and i have to leave my hair down tomorrow. no wax, hairspray, just all natural. T____T i had a moment there. haha. but dude thats gonna be like crazy for me. well, to be honest im ok. but i am worried for the musical cuz things arent going as planned. too many last minute changes. i swear. but just gotta make it good. so if ur in the crowd tomorrow please dont make me laugh.

kk so went shopping with kim for our day. haha. had a crazy feeling i would see jamaica there and next thing u know jamaica walks in to Tsuruya and sits on the table next to us. Telepathy i swear. bought me new shoes. haha. debut tomorrow. and bought kim a jacket for her new boy toy. haha. so gay. jk:] oh and i got gifts for some people. burdens on my wallet. haha. jk again:]
well kim and i had a great convo in the car about some things and i officially am in love with...ready...

no one. haha. tricked u again. but kinda glad. i guess. no more sob blogs. haha. and no more confusion to burden on liz. and whoever i went to. but yeah. well blocks on the tower for new shoes. BTW CHRISTMAS MUSICAL TOMORROW @ OLPH! better be there:] -Ryan:]

Friday, December 26, 2008

Hooray For Chrismukkah!!!

haha. so this year Christmas didn't seem like Christmas at all cuz everything went by so quickly. but in the end this year was super good. well to me anyway. so started off with my cousins birthday party on Christmas Eve. ate me some sushi ... a lot of it. haha. then went straight to midnight mass. so i was fricken running around all night and could barely hear any of the scriptures or homily. instead i was trying to find seats for people who came late to mass. -__-. hopefully God understands.

go home around 2 to 2:30. after thinking for awhile decided to call my friends until one of them finally answered. talked to them for awhile about *stuff and couldnt sleep until like 5. haha. what! i wasnt tired. got up to my sister waking me up and telling me lets open gifts. nothing better than a 22 year old telling u to wake up.

got gifts. got my red jacket to add to the collection and toilet paper from my auntie as a joke. haha. then fell asleep for like 3 hours after opening gifts. got up and went to cousins house to play guitar hero. haha. the kid got the whole damn set! what! like challenge;]

haha. so yeah Christmas was okay. but what i liked about this year was how everything that happened this month helped me to get closer to God and see the real meaning of Christmas. i mean Jesus was born on this very day and we celebrate because of him. and for that im thankful :]

so Happy Birthday Jesus! cant wait to sing to u at the musical;]
and for that blocks on the tower! -Ryan:]

PS Happy Birthday Liz!

PSS My grandma spelt my name wrong on a gift. RHYAN! Like wth! haha.

PSSS Christmas + Honnukah = Christmakkuh (The OC!)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Old, The New, and The Unresolved

hey everyone so i just got back from lifeteen and yeah it was great. it was the kinda lifeteen im really glad i didnt leave even if i saw some people i didnt wanna see and there wasnt a lot of people.

so this blog is about the title. so lets start with the old. so lets admit it today i saw tadpole for the first time in hmmmm...idk how long. and at first all i did was ignore and ignore and ignore. until i finally sucked up my pride and said welcome back. lame right, but it started a convo and turns out im glad im finally over tadpole. but i know its still gonna take some time to say that officially and not ever think about it again. but i look at it as i guess its time for me to start over with a new slate since its almost 2009 and all those seniors could leave already...cuz u know 2010 will always be better><>

the new. this lifenight seriously opened my eyes to a lot. i got stuck in Sarah's group. and miss fbk herself talked a lot of sense into me. but that i will continue later. the new is about the new. its official. ryan has a crush. haha. and its someone i wouldve never expected. but im deciding to let this one stay with me than blabber on about it. but just know that this one, is like wow. haha.

and finally the unresolved. i guess this one has a lot to it. first where has my sponsor and i been lately? all we do is hug and say hi. no conversations at all. it kinda irks me but im letting it go seeing he has a lot on his plate. second, why is lifeteen not lifeteen anymore? i mean tonight only 21 people went. i mean we used to have 80 people. i mean have they strayed from God. and third why wont miss thomas update my grade?T___T i want an A damnit. there are so many things that are unresolved.

but then sarah taught me something tonight. whats life without obstacles? nothing. God gives us obstacles not only to make us better but to make the Promise complete and to put total trust in him. and only then will the old, the new, and the unresolved unfold. blocks on the tower! -Ryan:]

Saturday, December 20, 2008

The Girl Can Sang

first off FUCK YES! haha. i am officially on break and i am homework free. amazingly i might get another 4.0 but i dont wanna jynx it. but now i am priorities free! well at least from school anyway.

in other news, i decided that i am continuing the Christmas Musical and be Joseph who will most likely...actually WILL steal the show. haha. still gotta work on my humbleness. but today i met my co-star who can blow me out of the water. haha. the girl can SANG. excuse me for my slang. haha. she kicked all of our asses. some other wierd stuff happened tonight too. chris did this thing where he opened his mouth to the microphone and made the wierdest noises i've ever heard. haha. me, mixxel, and chelsea couldnt stop laughing. and i learned that i could do a perfect twirl with the colorgaurd flag on my first try. haha. also, walked with mai today. haha. that mofo is still the same. hope u do good at winterball;]. sorry im not coming. i know u wanted to dance with me. haha. jk. oh yeah and my family is all home for the holidays with the exception of one. but can't wait for the familia reunion. oh and saw my second favorite person in the world today.
-__- what a $#^. haha. kk. but gonna go. just thought id update it for liz><. haha. 3 blocks on the tower. -Ryan:]

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Life Is Kinda Suckish

its all in the title. yeah so lately life has been kinda suckish. kk. so yeah i've been super busy no doubt. and i have to bring my grades up. i am borderline D. like WTH! haha. and the worst part is im not all that mad at myself about it. im just like "Oh a D, hmmm whatever!" wth is wrong with me. a couple months ago i would be going crazy now, as kaycee says, its not my priority.

second church is really not what it used to be. i go in expecting this great feeling and let down. i feel like lifeteen is not as uplifting. i mean church is great. i think nothing's changed between me and God. but when i reach lifeteen i look around and feel super out of place and the people i wanna see most are never there. which is super suckish.

third LOUJEL IS GONE. haha. shes in the PI for 3 weeks. what am i gonna do without her. oh yeah act normally. hahah. but yeah its gonna be really empty without her considering shes gone during the holidays. ugh so lame.

fourth the musical and all these other priorities. for the first time im SUPER overwhelmed. i wanna go to musical practice but no time. and i totally forgot about the NHS math meet and people got mad at me. so suckish. i said i was sorry. and to top all of that my mom doesnt want me to leave the house when its raining. thanks mom-__-

well not everything is that bad. i mean me and my family have been great. and theres only one week of school left. hmm. oh well done for now. block on the tower-Ryan:]


Thursday, December 11, 2008

Ryan...The Snob

im a snob. plain simple. i see u in the hallway and i walk right by. no hello's, no hug's, sometimes i dont even look at u. haha. so please don't feel offended when i do that. i swear that im not mad at u. its just how i choose to live life. and the fact that i cant see a thing without my glasses on. haha.

snobbing people is actually how i deal with things to. kk so there was this one time where someone was waving to me. so i waved back and next thing u know they were waving to the person behind me. so shame. haha. from that moment on i learned my lesson.

and another thing i need to bring up in this blog. i know that i haven't been very dedicated to much of anything lately. my heart is always half in it because my mind is over flowing with all the things i have to get done. a boy needs some rest ya know. and yeah, i've apologized a milion times to people already. its so bullshit. because i always apoligizize for missing out on things and next thing u know im on the front page of Let's Hate on Him Weekly. haha. but yeah it does blow over because im always the "nice kid." but just to let everyone know im gonna try and get my act together. keyword "try."

but back to what i was saying. the other day someone calls me asking if i was mad at them because i never say hi back. haha. no i wasnt. i was probably irritated or just couldnt see u. yeah i guess i do need to get contacts. but yeah. so next time i snob u, its out of love. haha. kk. block on the tower.-Ryan:]

Monday, December 8, 2008

What Did I Say

so last night was ghetto i swear to God. so i get to church and for some reason it felt different. oh wait lets go back. so first iwa comes to my house we do science fair. turned out our project turned out really crappy-__-. but whatever. i missed christmas musical practice. sry everyone promise i'll be there next time. and to church i go.
okay so back to where i was. church feels wierd. idk y. i just felt this feeling that something bad was gonna happen. and next thing u know it does. oh btw fricken rjay decides to scare me from behind with a huge hug. haha. funny but wth!
okay so church ends and i find out that someone i care deeply for lost something they cared deeply for. no, nobody died. but a relationship might have grown weaker. and this happened to two people not just one. and two people also are suffering trying to figure out a way to fix it. so yeah its vague but i cant really mention anything right now because its on the dl. but i was totaly blindsided. and the thing that hurt the most was i had to find out from someone else about this news. and i had to tell the other person about the news and they were sad. sorry. im being really vague right now. but it'll all make sense in awhile. promise to keep u guys updated. and for this blog no blocks on the tower.-Ryan:]

Sunday, December 7, 2008

What's To Come

so i decided to write this blog for a couple reasons. for one my other blog looked lonely on December, haha. and for the other December is usually the month that scares me the most.
for one December means Christmas. which means being broke. which means no presents for friends. which means guilt when they give u something. haha. how great huh. but i'll find a way to scrummage up some money. i knew i shouldnt have quit ninja sushi that early.
second, December im gonna be busy like crazy. from deadlines with homework, to bringing up failing grades. haha. and i know the worst is still to come. oh yeah and im gonna be busy with the whole church musical thing.
which is next on my list. i know i said i wouldn't bring this up when i said i was gonna write this blog. but last year, this month, my life took a drastic change. and seeing myself now from one year ago, it kinda scares me of what is to come. and this whole christmas musical thing at church really is making me remember some of the things i've tried so hard to forget. but like i said this month will be unpredictable to say the least.
oh yeah not to mention new years is just around the corner and look out for my reinvention. haha. btw, at least we have an excuse to go shopping now right. idk. im babbling again. well one block on the tower. -Ryan:]

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Back From MIA

hey everyone. so i havent wrote a blog in awhile. but im back everyone. haha.
well part of the reason i've been gone is that i've been super busy. like with class and deadlines and everything. especially being sick. i've been a record sick for two weeks now. haha. thats a first. second reason i've been gone is i've had nothing to talk about. i mean im finally in a place where im free of drama and free of strings. no crushes, no family issues, and no tadpole...surprisingly. just trying to focus on school and all this other stuff. but it's been great. i mean i know my friends brought up that i havent been as fun lately and when they talk to me i zone out. haha. but sry kiddos. i'll try to listen next time. i mean im still the weird cooky ryan on the inside.
btw, please tell me if u thought i was a snob when u first met me. haha. i've been hearing that a lot lately. a lot of "ryan i thought u were a snob. but turned out ur one of the nicest people ever." haha. thats great to hear even the 50th time around. oh yeah and other updates, i was voted most spirited, i still have a D in chem, im switching out of chem to go into rams 3rd period, i will be playing joseph in the christmas musical, and i will be posting a christmas wish list soon. jk. well a block on the tower. -Ryan:]

ps. how do u know when tadpoles turn into frogs. haha. look out for my next blog:]

Friday, November 28, 2008

One Day Late

hey everyone and happy turkey day. haha. i know im a day late but u cant blame a kid for having a fever on thanksgiving and sleeping all day because he was dizzy and his body ached and he had the chills. not to mention a 102.7 fever.(yes, the Bomb) haha. and also not eating that much on thanksgiving night because everything tasted bitter:[ but i guess now that im feeling a little better after going to the doctor i can write this blog. btw, i know im gonna say really short stuff, and im sry cuz i have soo much to say, but im still really sick, so bare with me:]
ok so lets start with the family. i love them sooo much because they're gonna love me no matter what. even if i dont think so, they would go out of there way to help me get anywhere in life. even if we have all our arguments, u guys know a lot of ways to make me smile even if it is the stupidest thing to laugh at. like when grandma tripped on that step leading into aunties living room. haha. wait, thats kind of bad isnt it. well u get what i mean. im so thankful for all of u.
next is my second family which is Lifeteen. haha. well, to be honest with u, the story was i was so afraid to join lifeteen because i thought it was just all these snobby kids who were too spiritual. turned out i was wrong. haha. u guys changed my life for the better and this past year has been probably one of the greatest years of my life thanks to u guys.
next is the sponsor, anthony. u jerk. haha. i know im a lot to handle and ive gotten u in the biggest trouble...in ur life. but i know that no matter what you'll always love me and i always love u. come on, i created the word sponsidate for us. haha.
next is liz. i love u like a fat kid loves twinkies. haha. ive known u since 7th grade but we only got close what in 9th. and now u have my back even if we get into stupid arguments about how to cut paper. haha. love u best friend.
ok, so now is kimberly dela cruz. i know we only got close what a year ago. but ever since then youve been there for me like a hoodlum on crack. haha. but yeah, even if ur in washington i know ur still watching over me and who can't love u for that.
kk dyllan. haha. so yes, i accept that ur korean at heart even if u really aren't. but i gotta thank u for always being there for me even when i was being a complete idiot or when i told u a big secret. u never get mad and u never open ur mouth, which is good and gotta love u for that.
char char, everytime i need help ur there and u know anytime u need me im there for u too. u always have my best interest at heart and i love u for that.
next is jen. first off u talk too much. haha. second u dont know how to drive so i've heard. and third i love u for all ur imperfections.
jellybebs aka loujel. u know how u think im the spiritual one. i think ur more spiritual than me. even if we only got close through the past retreat every moment we had together has been great and i cherish all of that.
mailyn. wow. what a year of deja vu, huh. haha. but i know through everything you'll always be that girl whos gonna make me smile whenever i see her. and yeah, lets hope we never forget our night under the stars. hahah. love u mai.
speaking of mai, jamaica. haha. we've been through a lot mofo. more than i've gone through with any friend in my life. haha. but remember that heart i gave u, philia, i meant every single word i said and im never gonna take that back.
katrina and jeff. haha. decided to combine u two cuz im getting super dizzy from staring at this screen. but jeff, i will never leave u as a friend and u know that and u can always come to me for advice. and katrina im glad we got to know each other more and i hope we can get closer. what can i say, i love campaneros. haha.
kim and mixxel. the wierd bunch. haha. kim even if u like to say meh in the most inappropriate times u have helped me through a lot this year. and mixxel, i know i can be a complete dick to u but i do it out of love. haha. and i do love u guys both.
lastly, sarah and andrea. my sponsors away from my sponsor. need i say more.

i know i missed some people but let me say that all the people ive met through life im thankful for because each and every one of u have made a difference in my life. like i said i could go on and on but i still feel really sick. so thanks everyone and happy belated turkey day. -Ryan:]

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Pros and Cons

so frick. so there are pros and cons to being sick. seriously. so lets start off easily with the pros. so pros i didnt need to go to school. YES! and i coud sleep in and dance around naked at home. haha. i kid i kid. but yeah no school means no stress. and it means u can do whatever u want.
but seriously there are some stupid cons. so one is u are in pain. haha. i dont think ive ever felt so sluggish in my life. second is u dont get to see ur friends before the big 4 day weekend. haha. no plans to all bring turkey and eat it in Ms. Thomas's classroom during lunch. and third, woah this bit me in the ass. so i get a call from my little cousin Brooks, and there gonna go watch Bolt. and im sick so no Bolt for me. LIKE WTF! haha. i was soo hyped up for Bolt because that dog looks like my dog and everything and it has a thunderbolt tattoo that ive always wanted. soooooooooooo junk. ugh i really wanted to go. so there are the damn pros and cons of being sick. can someone please take me to see Bolt. cuz i really really wanna go. haha. i feel so lame.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

All The "The's" in Life

so lifeteen always seems to bring out something i least expect. last week was some chick and some dream. haha. but this lifenight seemed to bring out all the "the's" in life. haha.
so this lifenight was about Father. who can't love him? hes so sweet, nice, and of course a polar bear. haha. but tonight had to be the wierdest lifenight in awhile.
so first i get to lifeteen and i felt like leaving my bag in the car. i was shocked in myself. haha. but when i get to the car it mysteriously doesn't want to open. "The Bag" is damn possessed. haha. jk.
next "the" is "the sponsor." not much. its just that he stayed in the back the whole time. and sat down. idk. it seemed important,but i guess i feel stupid now because its kinda nonsense huh? haha. whatever still love the guy.
so church ends and i say goodbye to "The Auntie." and from there lifeteen. and lifeteen was...interesting. so first thing that happens is i get to the breezeway and immediately see leila. and as if God wanted to poke fun at me, leila asks me to help her write a letter to her cousin. "The Cousin" haha. yes the cousin i was madly in love with for like a year. ugh. and its hard to think that everytime im there at lifeteen, something always reminds me of tadpole. and it literally makes every step harder to take away from tadpole.
ok but moving on. btw, "The Sponsor" mysteriously dissappears. haha. kk. so now fter dinner we move onto "The Skits" and our skit was if father didnt have auntie julie. first let me say our skit was supposed to be better. but nate and me messed it up. and that other guy, i dont even know his name, said auntie julie was a 20 year old virgin. WTF dude, that wasnt in the script. haha.
so next was "The Baldovino." he gave me his Twilight stub. haha. Challenge #3, accomplished. hahah. good job micheal. ok so now lets skip a couple other parts. Wait, "The Video." once again, WHERE WAS RYAN? first the audition tapes now the thank you father video. come on sherwin.
ok but lest move onto peace. so "The Girl #1" i gave the biggest hug i've ever given to anyone at lifeteen. haha. that wasnt meant to creep u out. but i wanted to prove how strong i was. literally. haha. and then "The Same Girl" from last week hits me in the eye after the greatest hug i've ever given to her or anybody. it still hurts. thanks "Girl #1." and then "The Girl #2" haha. she doesnt really matter much in a "more than friend kinda way" but she does choose not to text message me and scolds me for not texting her. like wth. haha. but yeah.
then things come full circle as leila comes back to me and asks me why i dont wanna write to her cousin. whatever. haha. but that was lifenight. i think i totally went off from all the "the's" in life and just ranted in this blog. haha. but whatever. another block on the tower. oh yeah, i forgot to mention that another check off the list in life accomplishments. i saw a nun talk on her cell phone in church. haha. example mailyn and sarah on how nuns arent the best thing to become. haha.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Life is Funny

haha. so i guess i felt like writing a blog because today was really funny. well to me anyway. so i woke up and it was STILL RAINING. hooray:]. haha i like the rain it keeps me calm. but my poor dog. yeah he probably hates it cuz he cant pee on the grass. poor thing.
so around 11 i get a call from rams saying he bought me a bento for lunch. a check off the list for life ambitions. haha. a teacher to be my hoe and buy me food. jk rams. haha. so then i get to school eat my food and clumsily drop it. haha. typical ryan.
so after i finish eating i go to the gym. i walk in and im greated by cheerleaders checking me out. yeah, that made my day. haha. next thing u know im walking up in a VIP area. behing the yellow tape. and i start taking pics. and then someone catches my eye and i take pictures and keep showing jeff. haha. poor jeff. probably got irritaated with me showing him the same picture over and over. haha. sry jeff.
so i keep taking pics and the gym makes my white jacket dirty. thanks gym. so i keep taking pictures of nonsense cuz all my shots look amature next to kirsten. boy can take a mean picture. next thing u know im sitting down talking to my favorite sophomore Glory and we tease the crazy lady in front of us for screaming too much and how we scream Campbell during every performance. haha. so then i get a call from my stalker. literally. mai was right behind me. haha. wierdo. so i tell her to come sit by us and she steals my camera to take sexy pictures of me. wait, gotta be humble...wth they were still sexy. haha. sry sarah.
so more performances and everything and it finally ends and im in rams room talking about the Wii Fit and how it got my uncle healthier. and now he calls me off the hook to ask me if its really gonna work. haha. i love rams. so he drops me off to jamaicas house, rams that is, and we start practicing jams sweet 16 thing. dude this is my 3rd court thing and im still not the last guy. wth. haha. thanks erin, kim, and now jamaica. frick be humble ryan.
so i get there, me and ezra dance and we were the best, haha, and iwa, lets just say we have some new dance moves. haha. so next thing u know everyone is gone and a couple of us left. i start talking to katrina cuz she was the one friend i didnt get to know completely yet. and i found out a lot. so i leave with mark and jen and now im home. haha. kk. pretty cool day. oh yeah congrats to caslene's little cousin cuz of his break dancing skills and our James Campbell HS cheerleaders cuz they did so good today... wait nm they didnt perform right...i kid i kid:] another block on the tower that screams spirit. haha.-Ryan:]

Friday, November 21, 2008

Let Down...Ummm...

so i went to go see Twilight. was it worth it?...yeah. surprisingly it was better than i thought and lived up to the hype. hahaha. so yeah i watched it with jen, loujel, and a couple other people. lucky me get stuck behind some middle aged women who would go CRAZY when they see that edward cullen guy. cuz in their opinion he was "MMM MMM SO SEXY." haha. kinda made me laugh.
so i was watching the movie got really into it. but questions kept popping up in my mind. like if he kissed her will he kill her? or how that one vampire girl looked kinda hot when she threw the baseball. haha. yeah thoughts like that. and when the movie ended i wasn't satisfied cuz i wanted it to keep going. now that's what you call a good movie.
so we leave go cruise and get job applications at Pacsun. hopefully second time is the charm. hmm. so i felt kinda empty after the movie for a reason. i know y. but like a criminal im keeping my mouth shut. tell u why, just call me up? or leave a very concerned comment. haha. shiny block on the tower cuz its a "vampire" block. haha. kk. -Ryan:]

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Jacket Obsession

so apparently thanks to all my friends i've been announced as Jacket ADDICTED! haha. like wth. is that possible.?!!
so it all started in second period yesterday. mj, being mj, has to stand up and announce that i have the best jackets he's ever seen. GREAT! haha. the whole class looks at me and starts nodding their head. can it get anymore awkward? then in third yesterday, i forget who, but someone asked me how many jackets i exactly have. sorry kiddo. idk. haha.
so today im siiting in second period and i get paired with Brittany for "Spanish Partner work" as Ecuadorian Obsessed Teacher likes to call it. we had Stan in our group too, but he didn't talk. and Brittany starts asking me more questions on my jacket obsession. and we actually stop working just so we could figure out how many jackets i exactly have. we got up to 12, until she said stop cuz i made her feel poor. sorry Brittany. not my fault><
haha. so i get to NHS and Jamaica get cold and steals my jacket. once again another jacket compliment and another question on how much i exactly have. haha. so overkill. but anyways yeah, i am kinda obsessed with jackets and don't know exactly how much i have. oh well, more to come i guess. haha.block for every jacket on the tower. man my tower's gonna get tall. -Ryan:]

btw. so im not as obsessed with hair as mr. cuda* is. haha! lol><

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Final Installment

wow. so ummm, i wrote a blog awhile ago thinking that i would hate writing another one. but frick, im still kinda dissappointed, feel stupid, yeah. all that shizzz.
but this blog isnt about that. well im the type of person that takes risks. and its stupid of me but i do it. so lets get that clear. but this blog isnt about all the drama going on right now. its about my long battle that has finally ended.
i have the closure i needed for tadpole. so tadpole isnt the person for me. instead i think i know who the right person for me is...whether i know them or i dont.
i feel like im rambling but here it is everyone. so after confirmation i get a call. from my washington girl who's always there for me and she broke the news i needed to hear. and u guys can infer from there. but tadpole...that phase is over. im ready to let go and move on. seriously. and December, all i have to worry about is the damn awkwardness. but for now im done again. im gonna give myself two blocks for today. -Ryan:]

btw, Charmaine im praying for u.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I Pushed Her Away...Again!!!

so like FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! im soooooooooooo stupid. once again the same story. i start falling for someone and i get caught up. but for some reason i thought this was different. i was like finally...maybe i'd have a chance with this chick. i mean this chick, she's everything i could want and more. but...me. its always fricken me. i always have to be the best friend! i hate it.
i mean the night was perfect. we hung out, we ate ice cream, did all this other crap and she just made me feel on top of the world. a feeling i havent had in awhile. and then...i got home and heart crusher. i read her blog. and once again im back to best friend.
i mean its not the first time i had feelings for this chick. i think a year ago, ironically at the same time as this i started liking her. but decided to give up. and became her best friends. and yeah i do remember laying under the stars with u at the YAM social. thanks for reminding me. totally forgot. and its kinda wierd that were back in the same place. i like u again around the same time last year. but now, or so i thought, i stood a chance. only to ruin it again.
so i call her, make-up some stupid excuse about liking some other chick and right when were about to hang up i take everything back and say i like her. like WTF is wrong with me. im so stupid><.
so next thing u know i hang up and start beating myself up about it and didnt get any sleep at all. i mean i didnt even wanna pray. like y God, just once. give it to me just once. so i laid there wide awake. but it was one of those rare occasions where i was wide awake but still was dreaming. yeah, wierd. frick. so like i was on the verge of giving up. but out of nowhere my friend (washington girl. haha) calls me. i mean its sooooo weird she always calls me at the right moment. and i spill. and she tells me not to be soo hard on myself. but i was. i felt like crap. but i knew that i needed to just suck it up. just another rock in the road. i mean im gonna make this chick like me. haha. jk.
but wtf is wrong with me. i mean will i ever get out of "best friend" territory. just when i think i have it all figured out...i dont. i hate it. and i hate how i have to put a smile on my face when i see u. but everytime u hug me...damn dreams. haha. look im happy that i made u happy. and made u feel special and yeah u r that chick in my dreams, but whats stopping u? so u think i cant live up to ur standards? i just dont get it, but at the same time i understand. i feel so retarded. but for now im done. add more later. block on the tower. -Ryan:]

btw. im probably gonna add one more blog later on tonight about a different subject.

Thursday, November 13, 2008


so like the past few days i've been rethinking about a lot of things. i mean yeah im busy, but i find myself thinking about things and not getting stuff done. so might as well write it out huh?
so lets start with the first thing thats been troubling me. the whole road incident on Sponsidate night 3. and some of u know what happened. and the consequences...are bad. so please keep my sponsor in ur prayers.
second is my controversial friendship with jamaica. haha. but i guess we've had our issues cuz we both have the same dreams. and when the other one achieves it we get jealous. i guess. but im starting to realize that our friendship will never be "normal." but idk what that exactly means.
third is what im gonna do about the whole tadpole situation. i guess im ready to let go. i think i've thought long enough to see all the possible scenerios when i do tell tadpole...well IF i tell tadpole. but i think i know where im going with this one. thanks a lot kim for creating doubt. not kim ben. the other one><
and fourth is something or someone else that's bothering me. im starting to realize that my dreams speak to me on some levels. and lately i've been having these dreams about this one person. like u ever had those feeling that ur meant to be with that person, but ur not too sure? yeah that's how i feel right now. but idk. btw, this isnt about tadpole. haha.
so yeah, i've been thinking lately about this. and its starting to pile up. i guess i need another reinvention and as my sponsor always says...pray on it. so four blocks on the floor ready to go on the tower. i hope. -Ryan:]

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Girls Who Wanted to Become Nuns

so i guess im tired of writing sob blogs about this tadpole kid. haha. so i guess im gonna write something a little lighter. so last night was Sponsidate Night and we were "supposed" to go bowling. its funny how things never work out huh? cuz instaed we went Anna Millers just in time for my order to get mixed up and mailyn to win some stuffed animal. haha.
so this blog was promised to Sarah and Mailyn. haha. they both wanna become nuns because they can't find a "MAN". haha. i just couldnt help but laugh because these chicks are super hot and all they need to do is go to a club and say hi to some guy and they fall in love. DUH! and to top things off do they know that i'm SINGLE!!!! like wth!!! haha. but im being humble....
so last time i wanna hear u guys r gonna become nuns ok!!! not all the hot guys are gay. come on. haha. and mailyn no more sad blogs of finding no man. haha. if u want start off with a boy and then use blocks to build him into a man. i kid. i kid. well done with my nun blog. i guess im back to lame tadpole blogs again until December. kk well later kiddos. block on the tower.b -Ryan:]

Monday, November 10, 2008

To Hold Back

so i'm learning that in lifeteen u can't hold secrets. i was in group and i got emotional. i really dont know y. we were talking about God and stress. lucky me got stuck with alex and sarah. can u say get out the tissues. haha. cuz u know alex, he knows howw to pull strings until u beg him to stop. btw let me just say i looked great with my new yellow jacket. only thing was my hair:[
so we were in group and knowing alex he finds a way to pull at me. that night, i guess i was going through a lot considering that i found out anthony has another candidate. whoop-de-doo. me and joy decided to punch a balloon. later to be killed thanks to micheal baldovino. thanks...first mission failed.
so we got into group. yes, confidentiality...i know. but in this case i'll talk about myself. so i brought up the "sponsidate" situation. i guees im fine with it. i mean im always gonna be the favorite. haha. and i knew that at every lifenight...tadpole had to come into the picture. and i cried. like WOW. sarah and alex came to the rescue so quick i didnt even have enough time to fall completely on my ass.
so two things came to mind. one was go in the bathroom, cry a little in there, and in the process look at myself in the mirror and fix my hair or two, sit there and cry in front of the group. first choice definitely. so i went, actually peed, cried, and then stared at myself in the mirror and fixed my hair. GREAT!
so i went back and sat down. we were last again. but it was the group i needed to get back on track. so it was prayer time. hugs kisses etc. and sarah. she came to the rescue again. i seriouly love this girl. she talked to me about tadpole. she knew who it was. and i knew she knew. i even know alex knew. but it was great to hear that people read my blogs and understood where im coming from. she told me that no matter what that people would accept me. and she's right. the true friends are the ones who stick by ur side no matter what. so with that said...y hold back. but in this case i still wanna hold back. i mean whoever loves me will always love me. the simplest things let me know the people who will always be there for me. haha. thanks sean. i know u care. haha. but tadpole. now tadpole is someone most people know if u go lifeteen. if u look on myspace its obvious. but in this case no words r coming from my mouth to confirm it. so thanks, lifeteen. i think im back in a place where im comfortable again. much needed.b -Ryan:]

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Take the Change...And Run

so i logged onto myspace. and i read my horoscope, because it was there. and it told me you've changed soooo much in the past year and it's time to change again. at first i sat there and was like, ok, the first part is right. i mean last year i was ryan, the popular kid that a lot of people didnt know very well. now i'm ryan, the funny, popular, and AMAZINGLY HOT KID who goes to church and is smart. haha. but im being humble:P.
so i thought a little more. around this time last year my life took a dramatic turn. i really dont consider it for the better or for the worse. i was kinda in the middle. well, at this time i started really getting into church. it's one of the things that keep me sane. and i think around this time i picked my sponsor too. everything was great. until my worst nightmare happened. i met tadpole.
now i met tadpole before this point, but i started only getting to know tadpole now. the christmas musical. wow. i miss those days. but thats where i developed feelings. and my life turned upside down. to think a year later i'd be reading a horoscope about change scares me.
i mean my life has seriously changed. but another change? what is there to change. i sat there and pondered. things ran through my mind. should i change my hair? no. should i change my style? no. i knew that i had to change whats on the inside, but at this time i need to wait. wait until Decemer when tadpole comes back. i can't change until i close the thing that changed me in the first place. i know u know tadpole. i know it. so im not gonna put a block on the tower. screw that. until December. btw, look out for the last installments of Dear Tadpole...i hope.b-Ryan:]

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Bitter Sweet

so last night. another WOWOWOWOWOWOW night!!! it was fun but at the same time so fricken dramatic and crazy. Sponsidate nights need to get a little less popular. haha. but yeah earlier that day found out i got a 4.0 on my report card. YES!!! haha. i was so worried but i guess God was watching over me. and later that day in confirmation and i figured out my gifts. well at least two of them anyway.
but then after all the great things that happened the most fun thing of the whole day kinda spoiled everything. which is friggenn shitty. well first too much friggen people came. i guess things cant be kept on the DL.
so then we went to wherever. H3 lookout and some other places. and then we go all the way to friggen Hawaii Kai boat harbor. and throughout the whole night my sister kept calling me off the hook.
so i had to get home before 1. that was a fricken bust. so we sped home and the worst thing ever happened. but at least were all safe and sound. but now i cant help but feel guilty. so UGH.and now im sick. sore throat, coughing, the works. well building blocks and some bad blocks on the tower. missing tadpole. still kinda suckinsh. but at the same time kinda missing someone else. hmmmmm. ok gotta go. eat me some cheeseburger to help me get better.-Ryan:]

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Halloween Sponsidate Night

so this was the first Halloween i actually did something worth getting in trouble for. haha. so it was the second ever Sponsidate night. and probably gonna be the best one were gonna have in awhile. so we started off with the haunted plantation. which was pretty dope. haha. only bad part was this lady kept running into me and mailyn. so fricken irking. but it was still kinda scary. stupid chainsaw guy.
then we headed down to meet all sherwin, andrea, and jumar them. it was cool how lifeteen just met up huh. then we headed down to the cemetary. that i'll keep as a private moment for us.
next we headed down to Zippys at Windward Mall. Ate me some teri hamburger steak. mmm mmm good.
and then we did a semi-around the island tour. and we took pictures and went for a long ride where me and anthony had major sposidate bonding. next thing you know it was 1:30 and we were at wal-mart. haha.
got home around 2:30 and from there snooooooooooooooze. bottomline this was probably the BEST HALLOWEEN EVER! haha, and it really got my mind off tadpole for a little. last night kinda was a wakeup call for what i have to do and what i have to expect in my future. just know a lot of jealousy and revelations are to come. but for now a good block on my tower. -Ryan:]

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I have no words

i wonder sometimes what im doing. am i making the wrong choices? i was looking at a picture and reading some of the things people said. of how u guys look so happy. and im sitting there speechless. and i get quiet. and i wanna go to my room and cry.
thats what happened last night. i guess i was talking to kim and anthony about tadpole on AIM. and hearing that they finally, finally, understand how hard i fell. like i was sooo happy. they understood. like finally understood. yaknow. and ifinaly let out the truth.
i guess it was hard when we were on AIM so i decided to talk to anythony in person later and sit there and talk to kim. i decided the computer wasnt enough. i needed to talk to her in person about this.
and i called her. we talked for a good 10 minutes. but it was a silent conversation. she told me the straight up truth about tadpole. and it was hard to hear it. i mean i love kim. but it was so harsh but so suttle at the same time. i mean they werent lying about the truth hurts. we stayed on the phone a few minutes and told her i wanted to go to sleep. next thing im crying under my pillows. i never realized how far i fell. and how it hurts to be let down by ur best friend. but i needed that honesty. even if i didnt wanna hear it.
im in love with tadpole people. and people are finally realizing it. but the truth is tadpole is already in love with someone else. and thats the hardest thing i might have to accept in the past year. i mean losing president hurt a little less than realizing my feelings for tadpole. i mean u dont know what its like to sit for a good hour just thinking. or every 3 minutes they come to ur mind. and every second ur heart crumbles a little more. i want to just tell tadpole, but idk what to do. im done for now. getting too emotional.-Ryan

Monday, October 27, 2008

So Last Night

we finally had our so you think you can love reunion. and i loved it. it really brought back my spiritual high that was goin away. and i was soooooo happy to see PUSH, all my friends, core, and C7. Even though we officially died last night. haha:[
but we got to talk and tell jokes about how some monkey who died and some women who ordered 2 cheeseburgers, 3 large french fries, and a diet coke to watch her weight. HILARIOUS!!!!
but before that i couldnt get something out of my mind. but i pushed it aside for the better of me.
so i went home and i did my hw. and i decide to ask one of my best friends kim for her AIM. and we talked. like a forreal talk. like how i have with jeff, other kim, and soon to be anthony. haha. but we talked.
and soon those feelings i had at mass came back when we talked. about a certain tadpole. she asked me the question that nobody has ever asked me, "if i was in LOVE with tadpole." i sat in my chair for like a minute and stared at the screen. nobody ever asked me if i was in love.
so i sat there. and i thought to myself that i cant be infatuated. theres a difference. i couldnt stop thinking that i was in love with tadpole. because i was. and it was like wow, how can it be.
but i was like maybe im not hallucinating u know. so i shut off my computer walked to my room and thought how a night that started off so great ended in tears. how bitter sweet. so another block on the tower. i wish i could tell the tadpole once and for all...
next thing u know i get on myspace and my sponsor says we have to talk about this. so lets go build blocks anthony. haha.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Dear Tadpole,

a while ago, i thought my dream finally came true. a world where i felt that i could finally be myself u know. and i got REAL butterflies. my stomach bounced and squeezed and flipped and whatever when i saw u. and when u talked to me i melted. but then i realized that it got strayed. the attention i once had from u, disappeared. i thought my life finally felt complete. but it felt empty.
i remember when u used to give me rides. and i used to be soooooo happy. and that time where u put ur arms around me in SA.like wth. it was sooo wierd but i didnt want u to let go. and u used to tell me the sweetest things and insult me to. and those times u used to find me in the circle during prayer, come next to me and hold my hand during the prayer. u did that every prayer. and that time u told me at relay for life u aid on my down on me. idk everything u did made me feel soo special. but now i wonder if i was just looking into things that didnt matter.
i couldnt tell anybody about this because i HATED being vulnerable to others. so i wrote a blog about u called "my senior" and it bacame infamous. all people asked me was "who is ur senior" or "is ur senior so and so" and ur name came up like twice when people guessed and i always said HELL NO. but it seemed like i couldnt keep this to myself forever. so i told my best friends, then my sponsor, and a couple more people i loved. and it was a big weight off my shoulders.
but i didnt want just that. i wanted u. and i continued to write. and like an idiot i used to always go on ur myspace and see if u got comments or look at ur pics. i felt like a stalker. haha.
then one day my life changed when i officially lost u. and i ignored it and said i didnt care. but my heart was crushed. i was speechless. how could i fall so hard only to be let down. so i stopped telling people. and i was back to where i was...alone without help. and no matter how hard i tried i couldnt get u out of my mind. ur still on my mind everyday. and then u left. and i had the worst feeling in the world. i wanted to say Goodbye but i couldnt. and i regret it.
so i started blaming u and not myself. because somedays i feel so broken inside but i wont admit it to anyone. and i choose to think at night how i got to this point. so in december im gonna try and tell u how i feel. i need closure. And God is gonna help me. but for some reason i feel like there is something there. and i know it deep down in my heart that there is something there. and im gonna continue to dwell on that. but for now i build blocks to build my castle. so if ur reading this. thx. for listening. -Ryan:]

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Me, God, and Reality

WOW! i finally have one of these huh! haha!well i guess its time to write how i feel.

GOD! the man that sacrificed sooooooo much for us. and we just had a retreat.my spiritual high should still be here. but along the way, ive lost it. and its hard. to know that maybe i lost it because of how reality can be such a bitch. the drama, the cussing, and all the stuff that makes just wanna sit down and ask why God has made it sooooo hard for us to be happy. i mean we all cried and poured our hearts out to everything. we admitted our inner feelings and confronted the ones we love head on. but it seems like God still wants to throw legos at us and scream build a stronger castle to protect us. but in our efforts we knock it down.but i must admit God works in mysterious ways. i still love God. and i kept all the ties with those i met on the retreat. and i cant wait till the reunion. but theres a void i cant fill and i wish i could. but its hard that reality is that God may not want me to have it. and thats what sucks about reality. so for now i build on what God has to offer me. and now im gonna go sleep on it and pray! GN!-Ryan:]