I must've wrote this blog 15 times. i think i said everything right...
a boy sat on the dinner table with his mother. it was the first time in a few weeks that the boy decided to eat with her. they talked about nonsense, how he was doing in school, what time he would be leaving the next day to go to relay, you know the usual. silence comes. suddenly its broken. the mother asks why won't you stay? the boy sits and wonders what she means. she explains. why don't you stay here for college son? the boy asks if its about money. the mother says no. and then yes. the boy rolls his eyes. then the mother says that she will also cry and miss him tremendously if he decides to leave. communication she says. thats all she wanted from the boy and his sister. the boy still sat in silence without saying his thoughts. and he finishes his food gets up and goes to his room.
the next day the boy gets ready to leave for relay for life. excited he ignores every phone call until he was ready to go. the boy gets there, late, to the event he was supposed to plan, with 5 people and 1 baby behind him. he sees people and ignores them. sees people who care about him and still decides to ignore them. what was wrong with the boy. the boy has fun with his friends until 1 in the morning. he decides to take a walk with his sponsor. they go around the track for what seems like hours dicussing the boys insecurites. why was the boy scared? why does the boy want to leave? what does the boy have to prove? the boy doesn't get answers from his sponsor, but from himself. the boy didn't know how strong he was. but still the boy felt weak. he was still scared. the boys sponsor tells him he knew him more than he thought. the boy's sponsor could tell when he was down, when he was stressed, when he was feeling like the world was on his shoulders. the boy ended his walk with a simple thanks and left.
the boy decided that he would not sleep the whole night and didn't want to think. the boy went home and slept.
why is it when i feel like i have everything solved, its not. my life will never be an open book, says me. but for others they tell me its so easy to just let go. to leave behing the things that don't matter. but in life, everything matters. family, friends, sponsors, church, and even insecurities. they all matter because that's what makes you you. the only thing from that checklist we need to leave is fear. the fear to let the world know what's on your mind. the boy kept quiet in every situation. not communicating with his mom, ignoring his friends, and even giving a lack luster appreciation to the man he looks up to who knew more than he thought he did. the boys is silent, but comes off so loud. why is that? life is so confusing. the boy is still little(not in height) but in heart. he needs to grow up and let God lead him and stop trying to lead himself to prove a point. a point that may never be made. so little boy grow up. build your blocks and learn. Pray on it. -Ryan:]